Saturday, January 26, 2008

The Undead Monkey

My Lord,

I am but a humble philosopher, but I heard reports of undead pirate group that has been terrorizing our holdings in the Caribbean. These uncouth criminals must be stopped, but I putting forth my request to allow me to investigate the matter before they are totally eliminate. You see, there has been one thing that has perplexed me ever since I had heard it. Reports mention the pirates have with them a monkey who is similarly afflicted by their unnatural condition. While it may seem like a small matter, this has the potential to changing our understanding of morality and the animal kingdom.

Rumor has it that the pirates were cursed to be living dead for their greed. However, why is the monkey cursed? Was he cursed simply by proximity, just by being the pirates' pet? Then the monkey cursed unjustly, as he would not be responsible for the pirates' actions. This would lend credence that there is some warlock who has great power that cannot be allowed to act with impunity, which would mean that we would need a greater force in the Caribbean that would appear.

Or is it possible that the monkey was punished for his greed as well? Could it that monkeys are able to be greedy, and therefore to sin. And if they can sin, then they are moral agents. If that can be proven, then we have to rethink our whole stance of treatment of (some) animals. While I am not positing that that monkeys and chimpanzees should be treated as humans, but we do have to treat them ethically, if they are capable of making moral decisions. Our claim that we can own animals is based mostly on the premise that they are not agents who can make their own decisions. Similar to how parents can make decisions on behalf of their children and why we do not hold children responsible in the same way as adults. However, if this is proved false, then we have to expand our understanding of justice itself.

I urge you to permit me to accompany any investigation or military force that will sent after this criminals so that I may delve deeper into this matters and discover if what we hold as moral truths are, in fact, true.

My Lord,
Your Lordship,
Most Humble
And Devoted,